All the way He leads me…
It always takes my breath away when I reflect on the works of my Lord’s hands.
When I start piecing together little snippets of my life and seeing a more full picture of the work He has begun -and has yet to still complete.
I wrote in my introduction that I was going to share a little bit about me and my life, but realized that I have yet to share. This post is going to be dedicated to sharing who I am -therefore it will be much longer compared to my other posts… But hopefully in the end you won’t just see me and what I say about my life, but HIM and HIS hand on my life.
I grew up in an American sub-culture as a “Military Brat.” Unless you are in the military, it can’t truly be understood. It’s traumatic, scary, heart wrenching, and yet still joyful, adventurous, and there’s always something or someone new. It is my past and it has become who I am. Being a “military brat,” I’ve learned that God never lets you get comfortable, especially when it comes to a home.
Every two-four years we made a major move and fourteen moves later I am still not even close to being “stationed” somewhere where moving isn’t an option. In fact, after nineteen (going-on-twenty) years of being conditioned to move, I can’t imagine life any other way. I move from place to place, rooted and up-rooted. According to the National Military Family Association, “Military children will say goodbye to more significant people by the age of 18 than the average person will during a lifetime.” This is so true. I can’t even begin to express the impact this does on a child, as a youth, and as a teen. But still, you learn to be strong.
But then in the midst of the little strength you learn to have, your father deploys the day before Christmas… Then your father deploys and upon the plane returning he’s told to be prepared in fourty-eight hours to return (he had a few weeks home, but those two back-to-back deployments lasted 21 months).
With training and deployments, my father was gone several years of my life (four deployments and training). But, again you learn to be strong and take pride in your father and the country which he serves.
And you also learn how to fall apart.
The first time my mother needed surgery, my little brother was under two. I remember her cradling him in one arm and crawling upon the floor to take him to his crib. I tried so hard to fill the role of my father when he was deployed and during these few months of my eleven-year-old life I tried to be my mother too. I tried my best to cook when I could, clean, take care of Colin… It made me grow up and grow up fast. Still, inside I was an emotional wreak.
I wasn’t like “normal” kids. They didn’t understand the pain and heartbreak. They weren’t scared for their daddy… They didn’t have to worry about the next move… And I remember that this is when God’s hand would gently pick me up and carry me.
Looking back, it did make me strong… But it also taught me strength, perseverance, the importance of sacrifice, diversity and how to embrace it, the love and belonging you can build within community, and taught me how to handle transition.
This coming summer… In just a few weeks, I am going to embrace a culture that is not my own. I’m going to transition and within the next couple of months I hope to find a sense of belonging with those people and learn to be a part of their community. I want to make friends and build relationships. I will need to learn their language and I’ll use perseverance during my studies. I may be “sacrificing” my summer in the eyes of some, but it brings me great joy and I know He alone will be my strength. And if this summer is more than just a sacrifice of my summer, then to God alone be the glory and may He led me onward.
All the way He leads me. This is just one little snippet out of my life. Just one. I hope you can see how God has led me and how my past has prepared me for my future. But, that is all for now. It’s my last week and I really need to end this blogging experience.
Soli Deo Gloria,