Oh, the shame.
For the past month or two I have been struggling with some feelings:
1. I feel guilty for not being overseas.
2. I feel ashamed for being “that” alumni that never leaves… Staying in small town Toccoa.
3. I feel bad for enjoying my job when I should be doing something related to my studies.
I wish I could explain to you why I feel these things… But ultimately the reasons are all lies or foolish. I was really praying hard about this shame and guilt I was experiencing and God really opened my eyes.
1. There is no shame for where you are at here and now. As long as you are living in obedience to Him, you are where you are supposed to be. And if you are living obediently, it does not even matter if your overseas or not, He will use you where you are at for HIS will -and that’s all that matters.
2. Whether or not you like it, this is where you are and “wherever you are, be all there.” There is no shame in living in a small town. Learn to love the people, the culture, and really live. Stop waiting for whatever is next and recognize what is already present/given to you.
3. There is no shame enjoying where God has you and being happy with what He has given you. He knows your heart and He knows your desires. He’s a good Father and as for me, the job I have now is a gift. Therefore, I will enjoy it. Additionally… As a Christian, you have been given the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:11-21). This is your life’s ministry. Your identity is not in a title and/or position.
This is what’s I’ve been learning this past week.
All of these feelings have intensified as I have realized that things are not going as *I* planned (go figure). I took a look at my account for going to the Middle East and was humbled… I won’t be going as planned in January. Do know I am still hoping to go, as long as funding does come in, but as of this moment Toccoa is where I will be and stay until I can get over.
Oh, the shame.
I have thought this to myself so much…
But that’s when I had that revelation that I posted above. If you get anything out of this post, please let this be it:
If your in obedience, there isn’t anything to be ashamed of. You’re exactly where your supposed to be: make the most of it. If your experiencing God’s mercy and grace, there is no shame in enjoying what He has given you. Press forward, but don’t ignore what’s around you.
Even if things aren’t working out as planned, remember there is a bigger picture.
Oh, the shame. Oh, God. Only you know. I trust tomorrow to You.