When you are told that your plane tickets have been bought and you have less than a few hours in a country you love, how are you supposed to feel? So many goodbyes to say, so many loose ends to wrap up, and there literally is no time to process… It’s a difficult rush and an emotional upheaval. Literally picking up the little you can and going. So little closure.
It’s not me being evacuated out, but the girls I live with.
My one roommate was supposed to be here till the end of the month, but the other was going to spend ten months with me… The three of us got along so well! The girl that was staying ten months and I had similar visions in how day-to-day life should, together we built relationships together with the ladies in town, and now I am losing her.
Both are being uprooted.
I am heart-broken and my heart continually aches for the two of them…
I feel so frustrated and alone.
We knew the situation we were coming into. We knew this isn’t an easy place.
We knew that war was raging beyond our borders…
Each of us, as individuals, have made the commitment to come…
Together we have counted the cost and as a group we talked over-and-over about how we feel about being here.
But for everyone else, this is uncomfortable, unknown, and scary… I don’t blame anyone for thinking that. It is.
For me personally, I committed… Because really what else is there? My life is for His glory and for His purposes, not my own. I do not purposefully put myself in danger or harms way, but for me I truly believe to live is Chr-st, to die is gain. I mean, I can’t live in fear. I can’t. To live in fear is to be controlled and manipulated by the enemy. What more can my heart be moved by? I refuse to live in fear and I’m committed to solely being moved by the love of our Father. There just is nothing else for me to choose… But Him. If my love for His were to cost me everything, so be it. I don’t foresee this happening, but I know this and live by this.
It’s just uncomfortable, unknown, and scary. Typical.
So there. I have shared. This is my life.
Letting go of control once more, because it’s not mine to have anyways.
Learning to find peace in the confusion and frustration.
Learning to weep with those who weep… There have been tears. Many, many tears! Literally, I think I have no more to spare…
I have debated writing about this, just because I know the thoughts people will have when the word “evacuate” comes into mind, but ultimately I made this blog to share my life and my heart… So I write… Do not be alarmed. Do not worry… This is just how life goes as a worker and how life is here in this country. In all honesty, since being here I have already seen other workers evacuated out and return, so this isn’t anything new here. The situation is the same as the first day I got here… So again, everything is okay…
Thanks for letting me share… Thanks for reading… Thanks for caring…
On another note, keep them in mind. “N” will have three weeks before life resumes, but “L” has no job and wasn’t expecting to be back for another nine months. She will need a job and will be looking into things she can do until she knows what’s next. Lastly, keep me in mind. So much change…