Homesick

by meganjazelle

It’s not everyday, but every so often a wave of homesickness crashes over me… Drenching me with a longing and desire for my family, a home, and ultimately some form of security. Taking steps of faith into the unknown, I have done, but to stand in the middle of it, that’s unnerving, scary, and so intimidating.

I wrestle with my calling.

I cry.

I pour out my heart to Him.

I remember He’s faithful and rejoice.

I surrender.

I used to feel guilty for feeling sad or for the little doubts that creep into my mind, but I’ve realized that HE knows my heart and HE can handle the weight of it all. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s okay to feel… To be angry, sad, frustrated, hurt, lonely, and blue… But also to give to the Father above. It’s not mine to hold on to or to dwell on.

Acknowledge, but surrender, and move forward.

Tonight I quickly poured out my heart to Him:

“Here I am. You brought me to this place. I trust you in this. Please be near.”

Immediately, I was reminded of Psalms 37:5:

“Commit everything you do to the L0rd. Trust Him, and He will help you.” 

Commit. Trust. He’ll be there.

Tonight, I continued back up where I left off in the Psalms.

Psalms 75:1: “We thank you, oh G0d. We give thanks for you are near…”

How perfect. How timely. How reassuring.

Tonight, I rejoice in the fact that HE knows my heart and that nothing within me is hidden from Him… I’ll surrender again here and trust. He’ll help me. He’s always faithful. He’s always near. In that too, I’ll rejoice.

 

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