by meganjazelle

This is a post I actually wrote in September of 2014, but kept in my drafts. September was an interesting month… I originally planned to post this once things “calmed down” security wise, but ended up forgetting. Don’t worry, all is well here!


I love staying awake at night. The silence is welcomed at the end of a long day…

But then you hear a door creak… Then again… And a little more.

An hour later, a few dishes crash in the kitchen…

These are normal noises. The air kicking back on, causing a shift in the air to move the door… Dishes precariously stacked, causing them to crash down. Little life noises that are not usually troublesome, until the night.

I hate their disruption.

They remind me of fear.

Today security was heightened. Nothing surprising and yet it is.

This is where I live now. This is my new reality.

Today through text we were reminded of the heighten security in our city, causing me to recognize this nations condition with familiar words: live quietly and discreetly, do not draw any unnessary attention, and never be alone

My first day working with the children this week, I was reminded we need an emergency drill just in case an attack were to happen.

Police officers now guard the doors of our meeting place.

Suddenly that crash of a pan is a little more frightening. That creak of the door brings up the question “was the door really locked?”

I jump up. 

Moments like these, I talk to my Father. I place my hands on my door panels and ask Him to guard my doors, to quiet my heart, and calm these fears. I thank Him for His sovereignty and remember that there is nothing that happens outside of His will.

Lastly, I surrender. There’s nothing more I can do.

I struggle with reading the Words that bring life to my heart and soul… I fail daily in my walk… And I’m pretty sure I miss half the things He wants me to see…But I climb back in bed.

I do this because I love Him and I know that somehow He loves me.

Surrender. There’s nothing more I can do.

Thank you, sweet Father. It’s not about me. Never about me. This is all you.

My life is in your hands.

“I will lie down and sleep in peace,

for you alone, L0rd, enable me to live securely.”

-Ps lam 4:8