As I slowly cruise down my newfound country roads, my heart fills with wonder once more: another perfect sunset, more rolling green fields, deer mingling in the fields of cattle, and a cool and gentle breeze on a crisp Autumn night.
I pull into the driveway of the home I’m in and could spot our properties creek. The sounds of it’s babbles I enjoyed as I walked into the house and continue to hear with the open windows in my bedroom.
My computer sits on the rear screened porch… Now crickets and other night creatures fill the quiet of the night. And oh, the stars… So many stars.
Since October, I’ve been Stateside. Speaking and working in Georgia and the Carolinas. Soaking as much as I can in during my travels…
This little State of Georgia was home. Still is. It’s the first place I made my own… Thus my love for this place.
I have two short weeks back and then I’ll make my way 16 hours South to Texas, where my family is.
After the new year, I’ll return to my other, other home… The Middle East (M.E.).
Being back has been a mix of emotions. I don’t think even I realized just how much I missed this place. I remember driving along HWY 441 and seeing the mountain range I’m so familiar with… A blueish-purpleish hue as the sun began to set. I cried.
Every time I drive pass that range, I cry.
Well, let’s be honest. I cry a lot. In Clarkston, in Toccoa, those mountains…
All because there’s this big piece of my heart feeling the sense of loss.
I honestly don’t know if I would ever be content living in a small, mountainous town… Or retreating to my home in the woods after working… But for some reason, my heart refuses to believe it. Every time I drive by those mountains, that sense of loss overwhelms me…
“Father, this is what I thought I wanted…”
I drive through my little suburb of Atlanta: Clarkston. My heart flooded again with the sense of loss. I always have loved refugee people and I served two years there in the city -off and on while in college. Before graduation, I contemplated living my life there. In their apartments, serving and living alongside them…
“Father, this is what I wanted…”
Places so familiar. So secure… A place to call my own…
But, He’s called me away from that. To something new. To the unknown. To Him.
In less than two months, I’ll be headed back to a place I love and hold near to my heart. I read the news and hear the happenings of that country and weep.
“Father… I want to go back!”
It’s been strange being back. Also wonderful. Bitter. But sweet. A sense of loss, but also of gaining something new, something better. And I’m okay with that.
Feel free to pray for me. Processing culture, hopes, dreams, and emotions has been a bit crazy… But also I praise Him for bringing me here, to see everything once more, to spend time with my family, and to return back home to the M.E.